[Love is both a wonderful yet dangerous thing in the city. It's common to find one person going insane or losing themselves entirely when their partner meets an early demise. People want to protect their hearts even if they are empty. Keep respectable distances, don't let emotions take control of your mind completely. And yet, love persists in other ways. People still get together for companionship, people still have children even if they are fully aware they are living in hell right now.
Rodya is a risk-taker, sure, but only when she knows of her odds and what would happen if things turn for the worse in certain situations. Sometimes you have to throw yourself in with unknown factors and the unexpected can always happen, but too much unknown variables and she might hold herself back. After losing a lot of things in her life, she has to play some cards with caution. Especially with her feelings.]
Mm. [She takes a deep breath, not moving her arm to see what Yuwon is doing. She does know that he is nearby and he is consoling her to the best of his ability.] Well. I do care about you so... Maybe that's why.
[ at moments like this, yuwon can see that they may have both been lacking in certain experiences. or rather the emotions typically packaged around them.
the tower was a difficult place to live in and a far more complex land to attempt to traverse, especially if ones sights were set upwards. but, the experiences rodya spoke of in the city somehow still reminded him a bit more of seoul than it did the tower. he isn't sure why that's the case, or if he simply could have been projecting an objectively rough time in his life to an place in which appeared to plague rodya all the same.
is it the desire for this connection? or was it simply a coincidence in the way the lack of affection in their lives overlapped? at the same time, if yuwon had to be perfectly honest, similar to rodya... he isn't sure he could put any of his feelings in words. in the same exact light, he always suspected that if he did ever open a part of his heart to anyone it would have been after everything.
after knowing their efforts were a success. when the impending future wherein the outer gods play the universe to waste didn't happen. he wonders even now if he carries a touch of guilt at being here. but, when she settles on words like those, it's difficult for yuwon to stick to his convictions.
"i do care about you." ] I see. [ he seems to ask, but there's something a bit softer to his tone. ] Thanks. [ it's difficult to know what it's in reference to, but if she felt strongly enough to speak up on his behalf... even if yuwon doesn't actually take it to heart, it felt good. ]
But, I also don't want to see you torn up over a fight like this.
[Once their road meets the final end, would they be able to say everything? Or will one of them perish before they can speak? Between Wriothsley's death and the events at Wuthering Heights (which is another case of concern since there is a whole lot of blanks in her brain over that ordeal), there is a chance Yuwon will disappear or die. There is a chance she, too, will disappear or die... Even if she is so used to death by now, even if Dante can bring her back yet LILITH's operation on her manager might impact that power.
She... doesn't know what she will do if Yuwon died first because this man is powerful like a Color in her eyes and it would be a lot to take him out. If she had her final death, then...
No. These thoughts will be pushed back as the rest of death is not meant for her. She will live and die several times before being allowed to rest.]
I dunno if it's a good idea, but I won't stop you if you want to talk to her... [She removes her arm from her face to sit up. She pulls up a weary smile for him.] Hey, there is a first for everything, right? I'll be fine... Even if things don't recover, I'll figure it out.
[Like always, she will keep moving in this snowstorm.]
I'm gonna go get clean up and come back to nap, okay? Do you need anything while I am out there?
[ the thoughts on rodya's mind are likely the same considerations that many have had of late. it's not like any of them had forgotten about the prospect of death existing, but it was still human nature to cast such ideas aside if just to live firmly attached to the present. so maybe it was a shock to them all in a sense that the concept was still real and loomed right around the corner; this discussion reopens those age old wounds, and the inevitable thoughts that come with.
in the tower, yuwon thought down to every single sacrifice necessary. he didn't have the leisure to consider his own guilt, but what about now...? he looks at rodya for a moment that feels incredibly long, even to him, before shaking it off.
per usual, she's already back up, ready to move on, and something about the gesture seems way more philosophical than it should. in light of this, he reaches out, holding onto her arm momentarily. he catches himself, releasing her gradually. ] She also cares more about you than you think.
[ she had kabedon'd him once upon a time for her sake, after all. ]
And you don't have to figure it out on your own, either. You said you wanted me to tagalong with you, didn't you? [ or was it the other way around. either way, it's a point his punctuates with a certain resolve. ]
[The arm grab did stun her briefly as she didn't expect it, making her tense up as a quick fight-or-flight response hit her brain out of old habit. Habits that the City puts you in, but thankfully, she relaxes fairly quickly because it's Yuwon who acted on impulse and he is slowly loosening his grip.]
I know... I know I am not alone and I don't have to figure it out on my own. [Her gaze lowers, her smile still on her lips.] I also can't blame her if she had enough of me. Not the first time I pissed her off... She's stuck with me out of contract work, but for everything else...
[She stands up from the bed once she is free from his hold, brushing her clothes to make them a little neater and she tosses her hair right behind her.]
Well, she has other people who can support her when she needs it. Not just me. [...] Anyways, be right back!
[Aaand she quickly leaves the room before Yuwon can get another word out.]
but, yuwon doesn't take any real semblance of offense. he figures rodya had her own way of handling things as they came. everyone had their own emotional capacity and considering their recent loss, it makes sense on how she may need more of her own time to work through any lingering sentiments. all the same, maybe having a bit of space wouldn't be detrimental to either rodya or ishmael. sometimes the closer someone was, the less you could discuss what really matters.
besides, he had faith in the idea that their relationship seemed deeper than either of them seemed to realize.
the city may have warped their perceptions, but as far as he could see... they always struck him as being incredibly resilient and forward-looking. they just had to get there themselves, not too unlike his own personal journey. ... even if he can't exactly see it as that as much as he feels it.
either way, he doesn't push her. he lets her go, watching her back as she leaves. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Rodya is a risk-taker, sure, but only when she knows of her odds and what would happen if things turn for the worse in certain situations. Sometimes you have to throw yourself in with unknown factors and the unexpected can always happen, but too much unknown variables and she might hold herself back. After losing a lot of things in her life, she has to play some cards with caution. Especially with her feelings.]
Mm. [She takes a deep breath, not moving her arm to see what Yuwon is doing. She does know that he is nearby and he is consoling her to the best of his ability.] Well. I do care about you so... Maybe that's why.
no subject
the tower was a difficult place to live in and a far more complex land to attempt to traverse, especially if ones sights were set upwards. but, the experiences rodya spoke of in the city somehow still reminded him a bit more of seoul than it did the tower. he isn't sure why that's the case, or if he simply could have been projecting an objectively rough time in his life to an place in which appeared to plague rodya all the same.
is it the desire for this connection? or was it simply a coincidence in the way the lack of affection in their lives overlapped? at the same time, if yuwon had to be perfectly honest, similar to rodya... he isn't sure he could put any of his feelings in words. in the same exact light, he always suspected that if he did ever open a part of his heart to anyone it would have been after everything.
after knowing their efforts were a success. when the impending future wherein the outer gods play the universe to waste didn't happen. he wonders even now if he carries a touch of guilt at being here. but, when she settles on words like those, it's difficult for yuwon to stick to his convictions.
"i do care about you." ] I see. [ he seems to ask, but there's something a bit softer to his tone. ] Thanks. [ it's difficult to know what it's in reference to, but if she felt strongly enough to speak up on his behalf... even if yuwon doesn't actually take it to heart, it felt good. ]
But, I also don't want to see you torn up over a fight like this.
[ ... ] Should I say something?
no subject
She... doesn't know what she will do if Yuwon died first because this man is powerful like a Color in her eyes and it would be a lot to take him out. If she had her final death, then...
No. These thoughts will be pushed back as the rest of death is not meant for her. She will live and die several times before being allowed to rest.]
I dunno if it's a good idea, but I won't stop you if you want to talk to her... [She removes her arm from her face to sit up. She pulls up a weary smile for him.] Hey, there is a first for everything, right? I'll be fine... Even if things don't recover, I'll figure it out.
[Like always, she will keep moving in this snowstorm.]
I'm gonna go get clean up and come back to nap, okay? Do you need anything while I am out there?
no subject
in the tower, yuwon thought down to every single sacrifice necessary. he didn't have the leisure to consider his own guilt, but what about now...? he looks at rodya for a moment that feels incredibly long, even to him, before shaking it off.
per usual, she's already back up, ready to move on, and something about the gesture seems way more philosophical than it should. in light of this, he reaches out, holding onto her arm momentarily. he catches himself, releasing her gradually. ] She also cares more about you than you think.
[ she had kabedon'd him once upon a time for her sake, after all. ]
And you don't have to figure it out on your own, either. You said you wanted me to tagalong with you, didn't you? [ or was it the other way around. either way, it's a point his punctuates with a certain resolve. ]
no subject
I know... I know I am not alone and I don't have to figure it out on my own. [Her gaze lowers, her smile still on her lips.] I also can't blame her if she had enough of me. Not the first time I pissed her off... She's stuck with me out of contract work, but for everything else...
[She stands up from the bed once she is free from his hold, brushing her clothes to make them a little neater and she tosses her hair right behind her.]
Well, she has other people who can support her when she needs it. Not just me. [...] Anyways, be right back!
[Aaand she quickly leaves the room before Yuwon can get another word out.]
no subject
she really intends to just leave like this??
but, yuwon doesn't take any real semblance of offense. he figures rodya had her own way of handling things as they came. everyone had their own emotional capacity and considering their recent loss, it makes sense on how she may need more of her own time to work through any lingering sentiments. all the same, maybe having a bit of space wouldn't be detrimental to either rodya or ishmael. sometimes the closer someone was, the less you could discuss what really matters.
besides, he had faith in the idea that their relationship seemed deeper than either of them seemed to realize.
the city may have warped their perceptions, but as far as he could see... they always struck him as being incredibly resilient and forward-looking. they just had to get there themselves, not too unlike his own personal journey. ... even if he can't exactly see it as that as much as he feels it.
either way, he doesn't push her. he lets her go, watching her back as she leaves. ]