[The next (and last) text comes a couple nights after the last one, where their separate missions continue as usual. This text is from way late into the night, she has been struggling sleeping due to her mind wandering into negativity. It could be questioned if this is suppose to be an actual text towards Yuwon or it's only Rodya's colder mind doing it's rambling as she lays in her cot alone, faced away from everyone else.]
Hey. Did I said something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Why I getting the silent treatment from you? Am I asking too much?
I guess I am.
I almost want to scream and yell at you out into the air, loud enough so you could hear me from the city, but... That's too much trouble. ["I am too much trouble."] I... No. There's no point telling you these feelings. They are stupid. ["I am stupid."] It's not worth your time. ["I am not worth your time... Even when I shared my dear time with you."] ... I thought I was doing better, but... I guess I haven't really changed at all. I'll leave you alone now.
[ while in the tower, people utilized their player kits to communicate within the tower, he was accustomed of reserving most communication in order to execute his plans. occasionally, he would utilize it to check in, or meet up with others— that was typically set for downtime. considering, they now have a mission, and are separated, no less, he presumes they would both simply carry on with their duties. nothing more, nothing less, and by the time he got the third text, he suspected his update on the red/blue communication line was enough to alleviate any additional concerns.
his lack of experience in offering support in the form of active communication β¦ likely showed. despite his deficiencies, he presumes, theyβd work on it when they met back up in person. hence, the last message takes him entirely off-guard. ]
[ despite how readily he could detach himself from most things, it was never his intention to behave that way towards rodya. he's never had someone he could simply just contact so freely. or he may have had, but it was different. he would necessarily compare his relationship with her to the likes of son ohgong, after all.
perhaps, that's why he didn't expect that he may have traversed across a firm line for her.
his brows knit together, before he ends up texting her back. ]
It's not like that.
Did something happen? [ he supposes that's step one...
will she respond? well, if she doesn't he guesses he can try and call her at night. ]
[What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did this happen!!!!!! The sheer shock could knock her out of her cot as she jolts upwards as she stares at the message and Yuwon actually responding to it. She never wanted to have her thoughts be sent to someone in a text message and the fact that it happened is clearly freaking her out right now.
She's still hurt and mad at him for ignoring her previous messages and communicating in the group chat. She is honestly conflicted if she should really respond to him or not, even if leaving him on read might get him to drag Ishmael or someone else into contacting her. The thought of it freaks her out even more because they are going to get on her case for making it a big deal while they have better things to do such as their current mission.
It's more weight on her heart yet she feels like it's inappropriate to drag others into the mess of her feelings. So she is trying her best to keep it in, focus on the mission even with extra weight on her back.]
[ as soon as she responds, regardless of how much time passed between his messages and hers, he ends up calling her.
the fact she says it's nothing is... more concerning, somehow. especially, since prior to departing, she did mention the importance of them working to be more candid and clear about their feelings. he half-wonders if that's part of the issue? well, whatever, there was no use speculating now.
[She was really hoping he would stop there because it's late and she answered not too long after he sent his so she can try to go back to sleep. And yet the notification makes her heart sink.
She gets up from her cot and moves away to a more private place away from anyone else sleeping or keeping watch. She leans against the wall and slides down into taking a seat on the floor before answering:]
[ his voice does sound a little tired, but it's difficult to tell if that's just from travel fatigue. he doesn't sound like he's necessarily in a bad mood, but there is something hushed and low about his tone. ]
Is that all you have to say after you were so talkative on here? [ he doesn't mean this in a punitive, or accusatory manner. but, feeling like it could be taken that way, he does attach on a: ] ... You're not resting, either.
[She would have added sharper words after that sentence, but she holds back on it. She can't risk waking people up if she starts to get angry and upset.]
I didn't mean to send that last message. I didn't even know it happened until you responded.
[She hasn't fully looked back on what she said, the first few lines quickly put her in a panic. Right now, her voice is quiet yet holding back on emotions.]
You can ignore it. You got other things that require your attention.
he releases a heavy exhale. he's not so much exasperated with her as he is with the situation. rodya not willing to give in to discussing her messages, and him, being incapable of breaching it in any way that isn't absolutely direct. just by her tone, he feels like she's holding back. ] You said we should talk, and that would do your best to explain how you feel. [ isn't that how their discussion went...
in theory, he could also just explain his thought process, but he figures he should let her talk first. ]
Just say it. If you're mad, isn't it better to get it out now?
... You know I got people sleeping near me right? I have to hold back so I don't wake up everyone.
[She sighs. Even with silence due to hesistation, she bites down on the "bullet" to give him an answer.]
You're going to tell me that I am overreacting and it's stupid, but fine. I'm mad, upset, and hurt because it took a mistake message to finally get a word back from you after silence for days.
I don't expect a response right away and I get if things are happening like you were in danger or something. I also want to let you have some space to yourself instead of taking up all your time, but if you never give me a reply for a long time and go off to talk to other people on the network, no matter if it's work related or not...
[She pulls her knees to her chest so she can rest her forehead against them along with hiding her face away from the world.]
It felt like I did something wrong and you are ignoring me on purpose as punishment. I'm trying not to ask a lot from you, but... [She stops there because she needs to collect herself again with a few breaths.]
I'm glad you are okay by seeing you talk and plan with others. I guess I am really overreacting, huh...
[Why is she blaming herself when its Yuwon's fault that he gave her silence...]
Edited (im sorry for my endless edits) 2024-08-08 13:44 (UTC)
[ while there's another response ready to be deployed out of his mouth, one along the lines of "what do you have to say that you're worried about not being able to hold back your voice"? but he figures he should just remain silent and just hear her out, especially as he hears the sigh of her, perhaps, working up the will to continue?
her words...
feel a lot like getting scolded. even yuwon can figure that much. he can tell she was desperately attempting to think of the situation from his perspective, despite her own displeasure at his actions. she's definitely a better person than he is, or so he thinks. but, at the same time, he also has difficulties in tearing his usual mindset away from how it had been in the tower. once, she's finished, she'll find him silent on the line for a while. almost as if he were uncertain if she had more to follow-up with.
she doesn't, and so eventually: ] I wouldn't ignore you.
[ even if it seems like that on paper? why does he feel like she thinks he ghosted her? (he did) ] In the tower, I sometimes would get caught up in a trial, or a dungeon, and I wouldn't come out for at least a month. [ give or take. ] I am not used to having someone to contact. Even before— [ back on earth, he barely had any contacts even on his phone. which probably could be seen as being kind of sad, but he seems to shake it off. ] I also had a few things on my mind. This isn't meant to be an excuse. I can't promise I'll be better, but I will try to send you something next time. [ a pause. ]
You're not overreacting. ... probably. [ listen, he doesn't know what normal really is... ]
[Honey, we are not really good people, we have been over this... They are both people with their strengths and flaws. Sometimes they work well and other times there are moments like this.]
Don't make any promises you can't keep. [Her heart is already worn out from them.]
You should try to stay in contact with the people you care about. They could be gone at any second now.
[ they're harsh words on paper, and yet yuwon doesn't sound like he's bothered by them. instead, he simply accepts them. ] I won't, and ... I understand what you mean. [ there's no apology attached to his words, or anything, but maybe the silence that permeates the line for a few seconds is his own version of one. ]
I probably mentioned it before— [ vaguely, maybe, but he's definitely overestimating how much he's said. ] I originally came from here. But, it's not like I had any good memories, or anything. [ ... ] It's really nothing.
So... You were born in this country? Or like something very close to it.
[Well, that answers her question. Even if he says it's nothing, there is always that awkward feeling on returning to where you were originally from after a long period of time. Some people find joy in it, others not so much. It depends on their situation.]
Returning to a familiar place can be hard for some people. Are you sure it's really nothing?
I guess I would say it's pretty close. Even down to the cities in it. [ though, he supposed since japan and its places existed to others here, he couldn't exactly take it personally. besides, like she said, at most... it's just a place "close to it." in no way is it the real article, and he tries not to make the foolish mistake of believing it is.
but, at her words, he does relax a little, a certain shift to his tone. does he suddenly sound more tired? ] I'm sure. It was a strange reminder, but this place really didn't mean anything to me. [ ... is that a better or a worse realization? ]
But, thanks. [ he doesn't just mean for asking and for caring for him despite his clear missteps...
it was also for reaching out. he guesses there's still a lot he could improve on. ... and a lot more he needed to get used to. ]
[She's not super sure about his response. She does try to think over it as if she was in his shoes, but trying to think what is going on in Yuwon's head sometimes is a challenge.]
If we got time, we could make a good memory in this place. [Whatever it is...] Anyways, you should get some more sleep. You sound like you gotten more tired all of a sudden.
It's a good offer. [ he does say to her, almost as if he were thinking about it aloud to himself. at her statement, he remains silent on the line for what feels like seconds too long, before he speaks again. ]
I'm okay. [ ... ] Are you laying down? I'll cut the line once you fall asleep.
[ the nickname even in the capacity of a joke reminds him a lot of when they were in vegas together. the thought doesn't last for long before, he focuses back on her explanation. ] Yeah, I said I would. [ more confirmation than anything...
... [She stays quiet for a little bit, taking it in that he confirmed that he will stay online even if this conversation lasts all night. He is choosing to be there for her even with this long distance barrier and the different dangers that surround them.
Yuwon can hear her starting to move as she takes a few minutes to go back for her cot, move it to a more 'private' spot and set it up before laying back down on it.]
I'll try to get over it, but...
[She closes her eyes as she takes a deep breath.]
Some things really like to linger on for me. [Her feelings. Her faults and fears.]
I know. [ he presumes much like how her past plagued her even to this day. though, he supposed it was only natural. only "human" to a certain extent, and so he places no fault on her. even if he may not be the best at putting forth apologies or making clear amends, he is doing the best he can with his own limited sphere of knowledge.
...
she knows that much, right? well, it's not like he does it simply because he wants her to understand. ] My offer still stands. [ about hitting him if she has to. is this a joke? who knows. ] But, for now, just relax. [ a beat. ] ... And you're sure nothing else happened?
[ it just felt like she spiraled for a second there, and he can't deny it's still lingering on his mind. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
5/5 (unless....?)
Hey.
Did I said something wrong? Did I do something wrong?
Why I getting the silent treatment from you?
Am I asking too much?
I guess I am.
I almost want to scream and yell at you out into the air, loud enough so you could hear me from the city, but... That's too much trouble. ["I am too much trouble."]
I...
No. There's no point telling you these feelings.
They are stupid. ["I am stupid."]
It's not worth your time. ["I am not worth your time... Even when I shared my dear time with you."]
...
I thought I was doing better, but... I guess I haven't really changed at all.
I'll leave you alone now.
1/2
his lack of experience in offering support in the form of active communication β¦ likely showed. despite his deficiencies, he presumes, theyβd work on it when they met back up in person. hence, the last message takes him entirely off-guard. ]
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perhaps, that's why he didn't expect that he may have traversed across a firm line for her.
his brows knit together, before he ends up texting her back. ]
It's not like that.
Did something happen? [ he supposes that's step one...
will she respond? well, if she doesn't he guesses he can try and call her at night. ]
1/??? closes eyes as i do this again
2/???
And then at the last message... that her brain cooked up...]
3/???
4/???
She's still hurt and mad at him for ignoring her previous messages and communicating in the group chat. She is honestly conflicted if she should really respond to him or not, even if leaving him on read might get him to drag Ishmael or someone else into contacting her. The thought of it freaks her out even more because they are going to get on her case for making it a big deal while they have better things to do such as their current mission.
It's more weight on her heart yet she feels like it's inappropriate to drag others into the mess of her feelings. So she is trying her best to keep it in, focus on the mission even with extra weight on her back.]
5/5
Nothing happened. It's nothing.
[Play it cool, girl... Play It Cool.]
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the fact she says it's nothing is... more concerning, somehow. especially, since prior to departing, she did mention the importance of them working to be more candid and clear about their feelings. he half-wonders if that's part of the issue? well, whatever, there was no use speculating now.
> Incoming voice call from NIGHTFALL. ]
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She gets up from her cot and moves away to a more private place away from anyone else sleeping or keeping watch. She leans against the wall and slides down into taking a seat on the floor before answering:]
It's late. You should get some rest.
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Is that all you have to say after you were so talkative on here? [ he doesn't mean this in a punitive, or accusatory manner. but, feeling like it could be taken that way, he does attach on a: ] ... You're not resting, either.
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[She would have added sharper words after that sentence, but she holds back on it. She can't risk waking people up if she starts to get angry and upset.]
I didn't mean to send that last message. I didn't even know it happened until you responded.
[She hasn't fully looked back on what she said, the first few lines quickly put her in a panic. Right now, her voice is quiet yet holding back on emotions.]
You can ignore it. You got other things that require your attention.
[The mission, being out in the wilds...]
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he releases a heavy exhale. he's not so much exasperated with her as he is with the situation. rodya not willing to give in to discussing her messages, and him, being incapable of breaching it in any way that isn't absolutely direct. just by her tone, he feels like she's holding back. ] You said we should talk, and that would do your best to explain how you feel. [ isn't that how their discussion went...
in theory, he could also just explain his thought process, but he figures he should let her talk first. ]
Just say it. If you're mad, isn't it better to get it out now?
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[She sighs. Even with silence due to hesistation, she bites down on the "bullet" to give him an answer.]
You're going to tell me that I am overreacting and it's stupid, but fine. I'm mad, upset, and hurt because it took a mistake message to finally get a word back from you after silence for days.
I don't expect a response right away and I get if things are happening like you were in danger or something. I also want to let you have some space to yourself instead of taking up all your time, but if you never give me a reply for a long time and go off to talk to other people on the network, no matter if it's work related or not...
[She pulls her knees to her chest so she can rest her forehead against them along with hiding her face away from the world.]
It felt like I did something wrong and you are ignoring me on purpose as punishment. I'm trying not to ask a lot from you, but... [She stops there because she needs to collect herself again with a few breaths.]
I'm glad you are okay by seeing you talk and plan with others. I guess I am really overreacting, huh...
[Why is she blaming herself when its Yuwon's fault that he gave her silence...]
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her words...
feel a lot like getting scolded. even yuwon can figure that much. he can tell she was desperately attempting to think of the situation from his perspective, despite her own displeasure at his actions. she's definitely a better person than he is, or so he thinks. but, at the same time, he also has difficulties in tearing his usual mindset away from how it had been in the tower. once, she's finished, she'll find him silent on the line for a while. almost as if he were uncertain if she had more to follow-up with.
she doesn't, and so eventually: ] I wouldn't ignore you.
[ even if it seems like that on paper? why does he feel like she thinks he ghosted her? (he did) ] In the tower, I sometimes would get caught up in a trial, or a dungeon, and I wouldn't come out for at least a month. [ give or take. ] I am not used to having someone to contact. Even before— [ back on earth, he barely had any contacts even on his phone. which probably could be seen as being kind of sad, but he seems to shake it off. ] I also had a few things on my mind. This isn't meant to be an excuse. I can't promise I'll be better, but I will try to send you something next time. [ a pause. ]
You're not overreacting. ... probably. [ listen, he doesn't know what normal really is... ]
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Don't make any promises you can't keep. [Her heart is already worn out from them.]
You should try to stay in contact with the people you care about. They could be gone at any second now.
[...]
What was on your mind that got you distracted?
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I probably mentioned it before— [ vaguely, maybe, but he's definitely overestimating how much he's said. ] I originally came from here. But, it's not like I had any good memories, or anything. [ ... ] It's really nothing.
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[Well, that answers her question. Even if he says it's nothing, there is always that awkward feeling on returning to where you were originally from after a long period of time. Some people find joy in it, others not so much. It depends on their situation.]
Returning to a familiar place can be hard for some people. Are you sure it's really nothing?
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but, at her words, he does relax a little, a certain shift to his tone. does he suddenly sound more tired? ] I'm sure. It was a strange reminder, but this place really didn't mean anything to me. [ ... is that a better or a worse realization? ]
But, thanks. [ he doesn't just mean for asking and for caring for him despite his clear missteps...
it was also for reaching out. he guesses there's still a lot he could improve on. ... and a lot more he needed to get used to. ]
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[She's not super sure about his response. She does try to think over it as if she was in his shoes, but trying to think what is going on in Yuwon's head sometimes is a challenge.]
If we got time, we could make a good memory in this place. [Whatever it is...] Anyways, you should get some more sleep. You sound like you gotten more tired all of a sudden.
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I'm okay. [ ... ] Are you laying down? I'll cut the line once you fall asleep.
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[Even when she is upset and mad at him, she can still crack a joke sometimes. Helps ease the suffering a bit.]
No, I moved out of my cot so I don't wake the sleepers nearby... You sure about that? I might keep you up all night.
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then after a second he says a bit more quietly: ]
... so don't be too mad.
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Yuwon can hear her starting to move as she takes a few minutes to go back for her cot, move it to a more 'private' spot and set it up before laying back down on it.]
I'll try to get over it, but...
[She closes her eyes as she takes a deep breath.]
Some things really like to linger on for me. [Her feelings. Her faults and fears.]
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...
she knows that much, right? well, it's not like he does it simply because he wants her to understand. ] My offer still stands. [ about hitting him if she has to. is this a joke? who knows. ] But, for now, just relax. [ a beat. ] ... And you're sure nothing else happened?
[ it just felt like she spiraled for a second there, and he can't deny it's still lingering on his mind. ]
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